So, it's my birthday today.

 I don't really give a shit, though, my family had never made a fuss out of it(no cakes, parties, presents etc); but what does bother me is the fact that I am now officially a year older and yet I'm still as much of a mess as I was years ago.

 I'm still struggling with the same problems, equally useless, and just as lost.

I've never expected a sudden chance or abrupt improvement, but this sucks and I'm sick of it; sick of this melancholic disposition, the mundane routines, the constant disappointments, the prospect of never going to be good enough for anything and anyone...

 I've been feeling like absolute shit since Saturday (thank you, CL football) and it's the return of the all-that-is-shit-about-life waves of thoughts and the only thing I seem to be able to do is to mindlessly ramble on here and try not to indulge in it and wait for it to go away.

 It's just one of those moments

 again


 and again


 and again

Photos from my Chinese trip

Ramblings

Hola todos!

Been away for a while thanks to my procrastinating nature and several post-match depressions. How have you been? I've done northing during the past weeks except from messing around on the internet and bickering with the family. I have this job tomorrow that would require waking up at 5h30 and ends up at fucking 18h00 and I'm really not looking forward to it. Don't know how much I'm getting paid either but I hope a wee bit higher than normal since the hours are fucking long. Another reason why I'm really dreading it is that I've been doing nada and waking up not much earlier than midday for so long I just can't be arsed to do anything else anymore.

I'll be taking most of April off for some travelling and then I have 3 months of unpaid internship before starting university. My faculty is going to have tons of activities before the courses actually start (none of which I intend to participate in) and even this one-month course (aimed at the people with shite English and lots of time) so now I'm more than certain that I'm going to be that person who doesn't know anyone again but I'm not there to make friends so I think I'll be fine. Just need a mate or two who would give me their lecture notes.

I'll just leave you with this:



Ciao!

E-reader or printed words?

I've had a lot of mess to sort out recently and I needed to distract myself so I thought I'd occupy myself with some challenging (think Ulysses) stuff to read.

Here's the problem: I no longer have access to a library and I can't afford to keep buying new books and/or a new shelf to put them in. I also have a father who absolutely loathes the sight of books and anything lying around anywhere.

I've relied on free e-books before, but only for picking out passages and such. I can read them like I read normal books since I get distracted extremely easily and it's only a matter of seconds until I open a new tab and forget about what I was reading completely.

So...I've been thinking about getting a Kindle or something of that sort. Although it lacks the romanticism and the feel of printed books that I love ever so much, I think it might be a more practical choice here. I can even claim that it's for an academic purpose and get my parents to subsidise. I don't know.

What do you think? I've never seen one of these irl before, does any of you own one?

AND LIVERPOOL WINS THE CARLING CUP!!

GET IN!!!

What a game that was. And what a journey, had to go through 3 PL teams along the way.

But we've done it!!!

So many heart attacks during the game but it's all worth it I don't care if it's just a mickey mouse cup at least now we have Europe.

Very happy right now despite a bad university interview this morning.

I'm rambling everywhere feel free to ignore me but god I'm so happy.

Alright, beer time.

Feels fucking great.

Work

I wish I could get a job.

Whilst I don't really need the money, I just have time on my hands and I'd like to actually do something productive now that all of the plans I've made have been callously shoved down the drain by the parents. I can't even get an internship since they all go for older candidates and I don't have enough experience and that, but maybe that's partially because of what I'm applying for. It would've been much easier in many countries but I can't do much about it anymore.

If I don't get a response from any organisations in a week I'm going to be all fuck this shit, sign up for German classes and book a trip to Shanghai.

EDIT: I realise this is a shite post so I'll leave you with this; hopefully it'll make up for that:

Rubber Johnny

This is really weird.

Hope you'll enjoy this more than I did:

Quick rant, because this is what the internet is for.

Something's been getting on my nerves recently, perhaps the only thing that's bugging me during this otherwise perfect week: racism.

Or, rather, the media and general public's over-blowing and reaction to it.

It's universally accepted racism is absolutely unacceptable, and I agree with that wholeheartedly; but what I do have a problem with is how the boundaries of what does or does not constitute as racism is almost non-existent, and yet so many people see it as a black and white issue (excuse the pun). This wouldn't really bother me if it wasn't for the vehement outcries that comes out of it. Quite often, it's not even okay to mention or refer to someone's skin colour any more, not even in a friendly manner. Now what's that all about? Does that simple act discriminate, degrade or antagonize anyone? I see no reason why it should. If anything, the fact that it's become so taboo just reinforces this idea that not being white is somehow so bad it shouldn't even be addressed.

I don't know how much colonialist or slave-trading history has to do with all this, but the guilt definitely plays a part in all this. Many act as if racism is a crime against humanity, that the slightest misuse of words is worthy of a witch hunt. Every paper's going to cover the story of one man making 'racist' gestures in a football stadium with great sensationalism, but none will speak of chants mocking the deaths of over a hundred people. Anything done against a non-white (can I say that? Is it politically correct?) will be attributed to racism even before any context is given. This knee-jerk reaction clouds judgements and overshadows the facts, and usually ends up being used by some groups of people to smear opponents, gain support or anything else that would help them achieve their agenda, political or otherwise.

What's happening is that we as a society are becoming more and more obsessed with the trivial things whilst the real discrimination, the real, institutionalised social injustice, are continually overlooked. These two are not mutually exclusive, but surely the latter deserves more attention and that's not what seems to be happening. Instead of creating a more equal world, one free of hate and prejudice, these people who are so quick to get on a high horse and put on a self-righteous attitude calling for severe punishments and condemnation for anyone making the slightest faux-pas is creating nothing more than a world of preposterous political correctness and that, ladies and gentlemen, annoys me to no end.

Shame

Check out this Hungarian poster...well played.

Shame is rather high up on my 'to-watch' list, but I have a feeling I'll have to download it since everything in the cinemas here always get censored.

The World Film Festival is on though, so that's where I've been spending my days.

British citizen or UK resident?

Please spare a minute or two for this petition. Twenty-two years ago, a 15 year old boy, along with 95 others, went to a football match, and never came back.

Kevin Williams died in the Hillsborough disaster in1989, Kevin's Inquests were riddled with coruption, suppressing of vital evidence and perverting the course of JUSTICE, Kevin did not die from Traumatic Asphixia or in an accident I will not pick up his death certificate until we get the course of death put right and the accidental death verdict struck down. Kevin does not relate to the 3.15pm cut off point.I want a new inquest were all the witnesses will be called to give evidence so the jury will know exactly what happened to Kevin at Hillsborough. I have all the evidence under section 13 of the coroners act and have been refused 3 times by the attorney generals office, I want the Attorney General to look at the evidence again and send Kevin's case back to the divisional court recomending a new inquest into the death of my son.

The Hilsborough disaster is very close to my heart, not only because the victims were fans of the football club I love, but because I find it absolutely appalling that a tragedy of this scale was so poorly dealt with. No one's been held accountable for the deaths of nearly a hundred people, the media distorted the truth, their slanders had painted a huge stain on the people of Liverpool, and justice has not been served. Signing this petition could help a mother find out about how her son died, and perhaps provide his family with closure.

This has nothing to do with club allegiances. It is to do with justice, and that, I believe, is a much, much bigger issue than football.

To those who don't get distracted:

How do you do it?

How?

I can't even read a single article on the internet without opening a new tab and looking at other stuff. I have 3 Chrome windows open now, each with at least 10 tabs. I only got through highschool because I had decent teachers and the courses were easy. The entirety of my study leave was devoted to games. At this rate I'm probably going to fail university and perhaps even life itself. How can you people focus for so long?

Bertrand Russell

I was messing around on the BBC Radio 4 site when I found this gem: Bertrand Russell on"Authority and the individual"

I'd read bits of his works ages ago in class and I'd forgotten most of it so it was interesting to revisit it all. Just thought some of you might appreciate some analysis of human nature and society and all that fun stuff.