So, it's my birthday today.

 I don't really give a shit, though, my family had never made a fuss out of it(no cakes, parties, presents etc); but what does bother me is the fact that I am now officially a year older and yet I'm still as much of a mess as I was years ago.

 I'm still struggling with the same problems, equally useless, and just as lost.

I've never expected a sudden chance or abrupt improvement, but this sucks and I'm sick of it; sick of this melancholic disposition, the mundane routines, the constant disappointments, the prospect of never going to be good enough for anything and anyone...

 I've been feeling like absolute shit since Saturday (thank you, CL football) and it's the return of the all-that-is-shit-about-life waves of thoughts and the only thing I seem to be able to do is to mindlessly ramble on here and try not to indulge in it and wait for it to go away.

 It's just one of those moments

 again


 and again


 and again